As I tell everyone (ad nauseum), my son Eric has been the editor-in-chief of his medical school's newsletter until this year. He has also been a regular contributor for all four years, and perhaps the first to add humor with his "Peeples Guide" column and, more recently, his supplemental guide to the English language. I think that studying someone else's language for 8 years sort of forces us to learn just a little about our own mother tongue and language structure in general that inherently erodes ignorance of our own vernacular. That's why I never studies none of that language stuff, and I ain't gonna, neither.
The popularity of his medical school humor columns really seemed to snowball (just check any recent issue and count the humor articles), but it all had a pretty rocky start. After causing a small uproar among Creighton's Jesuit regents with his guide to human sexuality, (a page ultimately removed from the newsletter archives, by the way), his future articles were very heavily scrutinized. His article in the following issue, a 'Guide to the H & P' (history & physical), had entire sections removed on first edit if they seemed even the slightest bit off-color. He had a meeting with the editor-in-chief for that year, and successfully argued for some partial editorial license, but still lost a lot of good comedy in the process. For instance:
"... only to end up stuttering profusely through the entire exam when the patient ends up being a 22 year-old blond stripper with a family history of breast cancer (and it took me an hour to wash the glitter off my hands)."
became:
"... only to end up stuttering profusely through the whole exam when the patient ends up being a beautiful 22 year-old girl (or guy, of course)."
They also made him add the explanation ("... like a ventriloquist.") to a joke about a rectal exam that absolutely destroyed the timing of the joke, only because they wanted to ensure that nobody mistook it for something sexual in nature. Now it reads like one of those joke-tellers that explain every punchline, "Get it? Because an elephant is too big to really leave footprints in the Jello because he couldn't fit in the refrigerator in the first place! Do you get it? Funny, huh?" (what assholes!)
He was also interviewed for a student profile in that issue. His entire interview was scratched before publication because it contained the following:
"What have I learned this year?
That, as soon as you're admitted to medical school, Dr. Nipper claims your soul, which apparently contains both your ability to have conversations unrelated to school and your sense of humor.
What am I doing this summer?
I'll be going to Peru to snack on some Guinea pigs, commit at least one
huge cultural faux pas which may or may not land me in a Latin American
prison, and pick up a rare Amazonian disease that will cause my first-born
to glow in the dark and have, instead of hands, adorable little flippers."
Actually, he did go to Peru that summer, but only after he completed 9 months of chemotherapy to clear up the tuberculosis that he caught in Guatemala the year before that. He was making light of the challenges of working in completely foreign cultures, and in jungles at that. Who knows what the administration was thinking, but I'm guessing that it was probably not the same as Eric, and I'm certain that their version was obscene.
Even after all of their censorship diluting his work, try and find any of that issue on the Wellness Chronicle web site today. This time, the entire issue was "lost". POOF!
In my collection of his writings, I have included both his Spring '06 article that "disappeared" from the archives and his contribution to the Summer 06 issue (the issue that was "lost" in entirety). Enjoy; I think he's pretty damn funny, but I am his Dad after all, and I have that whole parental-pride bias thing, and when have I ever been accused of being PC? To the contrary; I fully embrace my assholiness because disclosure lowers other's expectations of me.
I digress. As far as his sense of humor, the doctors tell us that medication may help. The Omaha archdiocese has made other suggestions, but luckily, most of the devices of their choosing have not been in working order since the Crusades. One priest (whose identity is protected under Nebraska's liberal reciprocity laws) had suggested a "standard altar boy penance", but several others declined. I heard that there was some discussion about the visual image of Eric telling jokes while they drank a glass of water ("like a ventriloquist").
It does seem that Eric may have some printer's ink in his blood, as he actually has been published in a legitimate journal:
Peeples ES, Schopfer LM, Duysen EG, Spaulding R, Voelker T, Thompson CM, Lockridge O. Albumin, a new biomarker of organophosphorus toxicant exposure, identified by mass spectrometry. Toxicol Sci. 2005 Feb;83(2):303-12. Epub 2004 Nov 3.
Either he first hypothesized that albumin could be used for a biomarker source, or he developed the mass spectrometry technique for marker identification, or he just stuffed mice in a blender for three years - I'll have to check on the details. But judging from the facts that he was only an undergrad at the time and Ellen Duysen (also credited) is his mother, I'd be willing to bet that his hands smell like mouse fur.
Eric's last year as Editor in Chief of the Wellness Chronicle was his M3 year. He has taken an Editor in Chief position at Context to take place during his last year of medical school and during residency. He worked as peer reviewer and Associate Editor until his M4 year (this year), when the EIC position is vacated.
Eric hasn't let up on them at all, and it's sure a hell of a lot of fun to watch. I'm sure that the Pope probably has a contract out on him by now, but I could not be any more proud of him regardless. Besides, from what I've heard, when a religious institution kills you, you get to come back 3 days later and then chocolate rabbits hide boiled eggs every year on that day in your honor; or some shit like that.
Cheers,
Bob Peeples, PE